To Simulate a Farm

Folks! 

Merry Christmas. 

I hope all was swell. 

I've certainly been.... more swell.

However, the holidays were quite the relief. It’s nice to dip out of life when you're a student. Going home to where you grew up feels like escaping one reality and going to a safe, familiar, old one.

It was certainly a breath of fresh air for me. 

Thanks Seattle. Love you. 

Christmas was a gift as well. I love chillaxin with my brother and my little sister. We are, of course, missing our brother Andrew (currently referred to as Elder). But that’s the way it goes. The beginning of the week was filled with frantic shopping trips. My brother convinced me to go shopping with him on Tuesday because he needed to get a gift for our mom, and to be honest, I don't ever turn down his invites. 

#bondingtime #arareopportunity

So we're shopping right, and then I was like:

"Brandon, I forgot to get you a present. What do you want?" #classy

And then true to tradition, he said, "a video game". 

In all soberness, I think I have purchased him a video game for the past 15 years at Christmas. He and I are sort of closet gamers. Sort of. But I have to be so careful with this statement because sometimes I’ll tell my guy friends this and then they wanna play me and they literally kick my butt. The result is profound embarrassment.

Ok but not ONLY do I buy him a video game nearly every year, it's almost ALWAYS Madden from that particular year. This year was no different. “I want Madden.” 

Can I just say something? Boring. Madden is so boring. I get bored just thinking about it. But it's his present, so I’m down. 

We go to GameStop which feels like home to me. I sincerely love going to GameStop. One time my last boyfriend was like, “Look I need to go to GameStop to buy a new Xbox” and inside I was just like, “!!!” this is a great date to me. I played the entire time we were there at one of those little stations. When he said, “ok Alaina time to go” I was secretly like “sweetheart wait....” because I didn't want to leave. Then later we legit played black ops and I sucked so bad and it was embarrassing. 

***Important side note. A girl can like makeup, books, and video games. What is the big deal here? I always see dumb Facebook things like, "be the girl that likes to read! not put on makeup!" and I’m like what the cuss?? What if I wanna read Hemingway and contour? What if I wanna read about concealers or Skyrim cheats? Get outta here you little freaks. If you're making those memes stop. Please just stop. You're hurting me. ***

***Those memes are not even a big deal tho***

Anyways. Brandon. So we're looking around. Great here is Madden. And then we start scanning. Casually at first--we didn't mean any harm--but seriously it’s a slippery slope folks. Because all of the sudden we are finding some real rubies like Lord of the Rings Dominion and that was sure tempting for us.... when suddenly.... Brandon picks up Farming Simulator. 

One more time. Farming Simulator. 

Guess what’s on the front. 

A tractor. 

Like a tractor in a field of wheat.

This has to be a joke, because, of course.

Brandon says, "no this WILL BE SWEET. I don’t want Madden. This looks sick! I’m gonna be the richest farmer in the world! I’m gonna make so much dang money!"

Okay Brandon but just remember that it’s a simulator.

By this point I’m alarmed, but he is set. So set on on Farming Simulator. The most set ever. 

and I’m like, this game is pre-owned and its $32??? You better make the most money in the world.

I buy Farming Simulator. I’m grimacing while I hand the cashier my credit card. This is a new low for me. 

That night I’m getting ready to wrap Farming Simulator so I say, “Brandon what'd you do with Farming Simulator I need to wrap it for you”.

This is what he says to me.

"Oh I took it to Campo's house and left it there" then I was just fuming because I spent good money on the Farming Simulator!!!!!!!!!! *but this is how excited he is to play Farming Simulator* He steals it! so I’m all, "Brandon you better freaking get back Farming Simulator tonight! Go and get Farming Simulator right now! I need to wrap Farming Simulator!" 

He got it back and I wrapped it. He opened it Christmas eve and he was pumped and consequently started playing immediately. I go in there when he's about an hour into it and he is literally $200,000 in debt and plowing a field! Haha straight up! But he must be drunk or something because he is crashing his tractor into his trailer and grain is going everywhere and I’m getting a lot more excited about Farming Simulator all of a sudden. 

So he plays on. Every time I go downstairs he's playing Farming Simulator and I end up mesmerized. One because he can speed time up, and two because now he is getting really rich and he can drive his tractors everywhere. 

Good choice, Brando. 

Merry Christmas everyone.

When things go too far.

Is it too soon to be writing again?

OH.

Probably! But that begs the question “do I care” which also begs the questions “do I have a life” and then by appearances it seems like I do—school, work, le boyfriend. So then its like “do you live your life actually Alaina?”

Do you ever have those days where you're just like

“Wow. Upon deep personal introspection, meditation, and secluded and extended profound thought,

 I feel an urgent need to GET MY CRAP TOGETHER.”

This is a really pressing matter. So this week’s goal is to get my life together. And I’m fairly confident that I’ll be successful because my ever-loving father is threatening to pull the purse strings. Heaven help me if it ever comes to such an ugly, ugly arrangement.

Our conversation enlightening him as to the current state of my togetherness went like this:

“Alaina what do you do with your life.”—Dad (at this point I was highly suspicious of his suspicions)

“Snapchat” 

“WHAT THE aopiadsklfh OK YOUR MONETARY SUPPORT IS GONE IF I DON’T SEE STRAIGHT A’S THIS SEMESTER!!!”

“ok let me just add you saying that to my snap story so I don’t forget for the next 24 hours.”

Do you guys understand the statistical likelihood of me securing straight a’s this semester?

Because frankly--I'm saying its too late. The towels been thrown. Onto the wet floor of mediocre grades that will one day get me a fine job.

I’d say that largely my inability to perform scholastically is due to a few minor addictions.

*disclaimer* None of you will please acknowledge the fact that you’ve been able to ascertain that I’m less than perfect due to my cyber presence. The thought of anything I put on the internet portraying me as not perfect is literally the most horrible thing I could possibly imagine. WHAT DO YOU THINK SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS ARE FOR.  #rollwiththefacade

So this sucks.

But I am addicted to a few things in life. And as we all know, when people have addictions THEY CANT HELP THEMSELVES. This has been clinically proven by a test I will not put here not because I do not know where such a test exists.

Here is the official listy:

1.       Writing

2.       Spotify

3.       Not exercising

4.       snapchat

5.       Engage global and my fellow coworkers.
6.    knowing devastating financial blows at Sephora and Ulta

If you cant see that this blog is an actual cry for professional help, you are probably a really normal, healthy, high-functioning person.

If you have any recommendations for addiction recovery, plz help.

Should I break these down a little? Then you will all understand the seriousness of my current state.

Wait who sanctioned this

Me and my coolest ginger coworker,
Maddie, demonstrating the power of snapping.
But truly I love her much

But wait...the above listed addictions will take sweet time and money to expound upon and explain, and right now, given the high pressure I'm operating under thanks to potential loss of financial funds in the uncomfortably near future, I’m low on both commodities.

Does that make zero sense?

Good. So for now I’ll help you understand the most disconcerting addiction and in future posts I’ll expand on the others.

So snapchat.

I mean I think originally my intentions in opening an account were justified—even laudable maybe. But as time has ticked on, i've just gotten a little like, sucked in maybe.

Cuz you know some of you were privileged to see some of my first post-mission snaps. I just wanted to fit in—to have a social place in this cold, cruel world. Then I realized I was quickly dominating the snapping game and that others were looking to me for guidance and direction. So it was too late to stop.

Plus when you're snapping people like huff daddy  and Wesley James Turner who produce this caliber of snap

the handsomest devil.

where can i purchase "vivint"??

wes looking at the dumpster

clever.

You can get pretty involved pretty quickly.

Basically snapping occupies all my free time and all my occupied time. From selfies to seeing what is going on in Armenia on any given day, to watching BYU freshmen do really cool things like sing in the tunnel, I think I'm hooked. 

We'll see what can be done to alleviate the situation.

Write on man!

What a fun little play on words designed to reflect and relay the attitude I've adopted towards creating this new place where I will write. (less glamorously known as a blog. i'll never call this a blog though because i hate that word. No one needs a reason to hate a word. This is the way the cookie crumbles.)

I'm here in this hot seat though. Because I'm at BYU in a persuasive writing class. A lot of forced writing happens which arguably could be pretty dangerous. However, at least one good thing has come from this class.

I rediscovered that I like to write. Truthfully I never forgot, I was just a bit lazy. (I vow to be honest on this writing place) But also maybe I need to write--like biologically. So then I was like

 dang.

A new stab must be taken.
And I didn't really wanna keep flowing with the mission blog because, you know--I need to keep that baby sacred and protected and maybe not all the things I say on this new blog will be sacred or protected.

By the law.

But I don't know if it's illegal to say anything in America?
#GodBlesstheUSA #freedomofspeech #anamendment #whichonethough #thefirst #iamprettycertain

Additionally I thought seriously about writing this sucker anonymously. Can you imagine the total freedom?! Just saying whatever the ajdfhlkl comes to mind--talking about ALL THE PEOPLE AND THINGS in my life and world--without a soul knowing who or what as to avoid inflicting the most minimal degree of damage to my pristine reputation.

And I would stay out of jail. Which is a luxurious bonus.

But then I was like.....nah. And the implications are dramatically less severe than what I have insinuated above. I mean really the only difference will be that much less will be known about my personal relationships. More specifically, about personal relationships that are new and exciting. More more specifically, the personal relationship that exists between me and the person I'm currently dating--who will remain nameless. Today. Because trust me, the details could be real attention-getters. But I'll refrain. Just so that our relationship doesn't blow-up instantaneously due to my lack of concern, maturity, or overall humanity.

So what will I write about. I think we should enter a contract here and now, as to avoid any misconceptions about what you'll be getting out of your hard-earned free time spent on this nonsensical piece of prose.

Im gonna limit myself to the following: things that happen in life which I can make funny with just a few twists and tweaks. So the topics will be broad, but you know, entertaining. Maybe with like, a touch of spirituality when I'm on one. Just to humor myself.

So. We'll see where the wind takes me. Hopefully creative places.

Hey but good luck in the throes of stuff you're occupying your life with!

I love everyone.

Alaina