An education.

Only four more months until summer break. I’m so anxious for it that before winter semester started I was asking all my friends what their plans are for summer. Most of them were like, “not sure yet”. But I was really quite persistent so they said

“Alaina you need to chill the h-e-double-hockey-sticks OUT.”

 I am a huge advocate for summer. It brings a lot of lovely things with it i.e. true happiness, sun, fun, friends, no school, world peace, vacations, tans, ice cream, and the ever-elusive summer love.

I think I’ll call false advertising here though because in 23 years, I’ve only ever had one summer of love. And you really have to be careful here because summer love can turn into Fall-more-in-love which can turn into Winter-pain. Or legal marriage. It depends I guess. Every single one of  my mission pals seem to be engaging in the later.

Regardless, school began again. Last semester my grades were awesome. Not in the sense of cool, but in the sense of how George Washington used it. Like you would be in awe if you saw my grades. Because they are astounding. Not astounding in the sense of wonderful but in the sense of this is unbelievable and we are astounded.

I could go on but it feels immoral.

So I found myself searching for motivation to get a good GPA this semester. And as I was sitting in Economic Price Theory 382-- aka a gathering for married men/unattractive single men--I experienced a sublime feeling of empowerment and inspiration. These were my thoughts. (a la mode of Sméagol)

“You need to get a 4.0 this semester.”

“How come.”

“Alaina.”

“What how come. “

“…….”

*fake nails*

*NARS lipstick*

*Michael kors*

*Mercedes-Benz AMG GT S*

*starts next week’s assignment immediately*

Incredibly, my motivation to work hard has blown the roof off of my BYU approved apartment. I need to get good money one day or none of these things will be a part of my life. Is money an evil motivator? Maybe. But it sure is a good one.

In this newfound dedication to schooling, I remembered a really useful diagram. You all saw it your freshman year of college. Literally. All of you.

And we all thought it was ingenious and so clever and hilarious! Because it has its roots in truth. Pure, unadulterated truth.

Fast forward five years. (yeah. Regrettable. I’m in college five years later. Just. What happened?). But ok guess what? Life is worse now and you get a pentagon. I drew one in paint because I wanted to take a trip back to the 90’s.

Fact check: I wrote that last line before I made the drawing. Paint isn’t even on this useless computer.

Macbook Pro what in the world? I paid way too much money to not have paint. What else does Steve think I’m gonna do? #RIPsteve #thistangent #calculus #PTSD

Update: I found about eight different camera applications on my computer e.g. photo booth, but no paint. This is seriously the number one problem with this generation. Think about it. We used to create, but now we just generate. pictures. of ourselves. (Good to know I haven't passed the climax of my rapping career).

Whatever. Use your imagination. So in the pentagon you have five options now because you’re older and reality is real.

1. A job
2. Good grades
3. Friends
4. Enough sleep
5. Boyfriend /girlfriend

 Since we’re older/more mature/mildly-more-competent senior year, you can pick 2.5. from the list.

Not kidding. I’m not kidding. So do two things well and do one thing not well but at least there’s something.

At first I was angry about this fated arrangement but then I took a hard, 30-second look at my life and I was like. Wow. I'm an ingrate. Consider: family, friends, more family, house, too much food,Vasa, a job, Adele, and an education.

In conclusion, I’m cooling my jets over this invisible pentagon. I’ve been dealt a generous hand.

This article written to the album “Purpose” by musical artist Justin Bieber.